3:30 AM, 28.01.09 - Awake and thinking about ...

PRIORITIES

1. PhD

• analysis by Monday
• stage diagram by Monday
• understand Axoclamp by Monday
• lit. review by end of April
• presentation by July

2. Learn to Drive

• lessons for every Monday
• find people to take me driving regularly
• do CD thing from ND
• restricted by March/April?
  

3. Learn to Swim

• check lessons at Newmarket
• go once a week
• confident by next summer?
  

4. Family

• keep in touch more often (at least once a week)
• support Grandparents more
  

5. Social/friends

• at least once a month
• rockclimbing at least once a fortnight

6. Exercise

• run at least once a week
• either a marathon this year or complete half marathon in 1:30. start by doing Round The Bays in 35 mins

7. Hobbies

• blogging, painting, singing, reading for leisure, guitar, walks, random pondering come AFTER above priorities and chores (i.e. about once a week)

8. Holiday

• get overseas to somewhere new this year (e.g. Adelaide/Melbourne/Wodonga?)
  

Got to put things in concrete terms so I can be held accountable. Of course, if friends and family need me to be there, they are ultimately always number one. But on a day-to-day basis, they can look after themselves and have their own lives.

So this is me and my priorities. This is what I want, no bullshit. Please don't try to tell me I'm throwing my life away into work. Just don't. I'm not stupid and if I do make a mistake, I'll learn from it. True, I haven't actually worked out if all of those things can actually fit into one 7-day week. But I'll do what I can. I'll keep my eyes peeled for opportunities. I am adaptive.

Note there is nothing about boys there. I can't believe that in the past year I have been convincing myself I am interested in people I have no interest in. I am not that girl! But intended to be lenient because I was testing a change - given the options of staying the same and changing, I almost always choose change, as if I assume I am wrong all the time. I need to remember that my instincts about people are usually good. So fuck that shit. Oh now, don't get so insecure - if I spend time with you, I must think you're a star. :)

If a big part of the whole game is finding out who you are, it's also about the courage to be it. I like to (over)work, I like to (over)think, I like to associate with people who inspire me in some way. I like to do a variety of things and I never have adequate time for friends and family outside of work. I have always been like this. I keep trying to change. But I know that in the end, I am happiest like this. And even though I will revise my lifestyle from time to time, I am through with thinking my life will be wasted in this way. Of course, I have the capacity to love, give and have lots of fun - if you can't see that, it's your loss really.

"...when we dig down into the earth under our feet, and find all that is left... I try to remember that what I am seeing and handling is a huge and endless compression of our lives."

London The Novel by Edward Rutherford

Is not the present (by the time it gets to our brains) only a more recent version of the past?

And for the record, I am not denying that I need others in this whole journey. I know very well I am nothing without the people before and around me. If you ever need a hug, you know where to find me! God knows I always need one. :)

Addendum

Virtues to Focus On

• Generosity
• Humility and substance (vs. vanity)

Technorati Tags : Cherrieland, Life

From cherrieland.blogspot.com

"...discover the present imperfect condition of the sciences... Disputes are multiplied, as if every thing was uncertain; and these disputes are managed with the greatest warmth, as if every thing was certain. Amidst all this bustle it is not reason, which carries the prize, but eloquence; and no man needs ever despair of gaining proselytes to the most extravagant hypothesis, who has art enough to represent it in any favourable colours. The victory is not gained by the men at arms, who manage the pike and the sword; but by the trumpeters, drummers, and musicians of the army."

"... if truth be at all within the reach of human capacity, it is certain it must lie very deep and abstruse: and to hope we shall arrive at it without pains, while the greatest geniuses have failed with the utmost pains, must certainly be esteemed sufficiently vain and presumptuous."