Graduation last Friday was totally awesome. So now I officially have a BSc and BSc(Hons) - whoop-dee-doo!

The whole shebang really started on Thurs, which was a bit hectic with PC driving me to pick up the vacuum cleaner, me stressing about the revisions (and the "sloppy" comment), picking up regalia with IV, vacuuming/tidying apartment, picking up family's dinner, meeting DB for dinner, receiving family at 9:30 pm, "making" dinner... So it was a long day and I didn't have time to think about the schedule for graduation, nor empirically determine what I was going to wear, nor get good sleep (floor = discomfort, 3 hours = not enough).

Graduation Day began at 5:30 am and ended at 11 PM for me. FMHS Breakfast (Mum and DB came to and according to whom I have a crap smile), official photo (despise!), Procession (rain!), Science Brunch (Tiff and me), Albert Park, official Ceremony (cute!), FMHS (to show family around the lab, meet with lab, etc).

It was so cool to see so many people and have an opportunity to catch up and take photos (uploaded to Facebook or ask me for a public link). I think my parents enjoyed the visit to the lab and being able to see a live heart cell!!! It was also their first graduation ceremony, so that was special. I think we were all tired at day's end, so it was great to have dinner (my first proper meal for the day!) at Renkon, which turned out to have superb udon noodles, which we habitually look for.

It was also cool to see the Ph.D's get their degrees and I can't wait to get mine - I want that hat! Anyway, my family left on Sat night, which was sad as per usual and then I spent Sunday tidying up the house and trying to get some rest, because I was truly, truly knackered.

Research/Fid

I'm still grappling with my 'place'. I feel excited, yet apprehensive about the whole dealio still. That's okay, I'll figure it out.

But I sense that people (esp. my sup.) may be disappointed with me - I don't know, maybe they had a different internal image/memory/expectation of me or perhaps they thought I would make some sort of difference to the lab that I haven't (yet) or perhaps they are trying to pinpoint something about me that's different, maybe - dare I say it - something flawed.

Firstly, I'm not that different. And secondly, I don't know how to react to this disappointment. Am I disappointed, too? I guess I am. But I am trying pretty hard to get back up to speed, though I know my mind is not as agile as it can be when it is more comfortable with these concepts. This will take a bit more time. I could put in more hours per day, but that would mean forsaking one of my resolutions for this year, which is to be more social and actually strengthen those friendships/relationships I treasure inside, but rarely show. Also, I still have quite a few things to sort out re: settling back into Auckland/flat, etc. But am I ok in seeing their disappointment turn into apathy?

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